Entrapment

Chockchain collar as if I am some run away dog.

Watching my every move like I am a four year old child.

Never letting me do anything.

No trust,

No love,

No freedom.

Gotta control every aspect of my life.

Expecting me to ask how high,

When you say jump.

What you don't understand is that?

I don't take orders very well.

I am not a puppet you can control.

I am a human being.

And its time you started treating me like the adult you expect of me.

That I will soon be.

Do you want me to get pregnant at 16?

Do you want me to be a druggie?

An alcoholioc?

No, I don't think you do.

That would show how bad a parent you really are,

And you don't want that

So stop trying to control me.

Let ME live my life.

Cinderella

Nice to
know I mean so little to you.

Nice to
know you love me.

Nice to
know you care.

Nice to
know that the one day I'm not taking care of YOUR child you can't give me a
little freedom.

You say I
don't care where as all you care about is treating me like a
slave.

No I
didn't do a percfect job playing Cinderella.

But news
flash!

I'm not
Cinderella.

And I sure
as hell am not perfect.

Not even
close.

It's
called being alive,

Being
real.

Nothing on
God's green Earth is perfect.

Everything
has its faults.

That's
just the way it is.

You want
perfect?

Go find a
robot to be your slave.

This
Cinderella's on strike.

Finding my
Fairy Godmother.

Breaking
Free.

Out to
find an ending I deserve.

Not That Kind of Girl

Guys seem to think I'm this heartbreaking horror.

Yeah,

I tend to be a tease.

Yeah,

I hate jealous people.

Yeah,

I'm vengeful.

But I'm not the kind of girl to hurt you on purpose.

I'm not the kind of girl to use you to get even.

If I get revenge you won't be used as part of it.

I find other ways to get even.

If I flirt with you just role with it,

That's just who I am.

If i tell you I like you I mean it.

If I tell you I love you it's sincere.

I don't break hearts for fun.

I'm just a selfish free spirit.

If I do something crazy and flirtatious its not to impress you,

I do it because I know I can.

If you get hurt it's not my fault.

I warned you it happens when people fall for me.

Cocky I know but it's unfortunately true.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Surreal

It is odd...

How life can go from good to bad in a second,

And Vice Versa.

It almost seems impossible,

For it to change the way it does,

How one minute everyone is in love.

Then the next everyone is breaking up and in pain.

Yet time heals the wounds.

And even though at first you feel like you can't survive without them.

Little by little the pain goes away.

You will always love them,

True.

But you won't always be slave to the pain that was caused by them.

It takes a while,

But sooner than you think.

After you give up trying,

Love tends to find you,

And fix your broken heart.

LIFE IS SURREAL IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE.

But that's the magic at work.

Beaking things it has fixed.

And fixing things it has broken.

Broken Christmas

Broken heart.

Shattered hope.

Crushed dreams.

All I wanted for Christmas was a real Cristmas.

Like what you see in the movies.

Where the family is happy and having a wonderful day.

Is that what I get?

HA!

I Wish.

No.

Instead I get fighting parents and crushed hope.

Why,

Why can't I have one good holiday?

Does Santa hate me that much?

I mean I've been good all year yet my holidays make me want to cry,

They are always so horrible.

Maybe it's God who hates me.

Or maybe there isn't a God at all.

Or maybe this is supposed to make me stronger.

Who knows?

All I know is that I can only handle so many broken Christmas'.

Demons

Demons.

Everybody's got at least one.

Some too many to count.

Horrid pasts.

Worst presents.

Scared to even imagine a future.

Fighting,

Verbal and physical,

Lying,

Yelling,

Broken hearts and open wounds.

Demons everywhere you look,

Everywhere you go.

When it all comes down to it can you face them?

If you face them can you defeat them?

If you do great.

Thn what?

Whose to say more won't come find you?

Whose to say the new ones won't be worst than the first?

Like I said they are everywhere.

Nightmare

Life is a nightmare when...

You are scared to leave your bedroom,

Your safe haven because they came home,

When you hear them yelling and think oh no not again,

When you wonder what will happen to your family,

When you fear you will lose your mom or your dad,

When you don't even want to get up in the morning,

When you've dealt with so much pain and suffering that you cant even trust your best friend,

When you wear a smile on the outside,

When inside all you want is for the pain to end,

When you don't even know how to love,

When your whole life has been one big secret,

When you've cried so much you wonder if there are even tears left to cry,

When all you want is to end everything,

Life is a nightmare when you wake up to find you're still in hell.

A true living nightmare.

Hope and Loss

Each passing day was at first filled with hope.

Hope that I was wrong.

Hope that he would come back to me,

That it was all just a dream,

That he'd take me back.

Hope that wed be together again soon,

That hope turned to pain.

Pain over losing him,

Guilt that it was all my fault,

Fear that I really wasnt getting him back.

Wearing that fake smile and trying to hide the pain.

Passing couples in the hall and feeling that pain grow.

Feel the longing and the truth .

That he's gone forever.

I'm alone.

Never to have my prince charming return again.

I Am Who I Am

You can Judge me all you want.

I don't care,

You are the reason why I don't do my make up or my hair.

I don't give a fuck what people think.

You can accept that,

Accept me for exactly who and what I am

Or you can fuck off and let me be.

I change for no one and that is a fact.

So you can say what you want behind my back.

At the end of the day,

I'm still here,

I'm still me.

if I change,

I do it for me.

I may not be an old dog,

But I refuse to learn your new tricks.

I am the way I am because I love the person I have become.

So accept that I won't change,

And judge me all you want,

You are just wasting your breath.

If I Were

If I were alone would you keep me company?
If I were broken would you try to fix me?
If you didn't succeed would you keep trying until you did succeed?
If I were fucked up to the point they'd lock me up forever would you help me save myself?
If I had a shattered past would you make my future brighter?
If I didn't know what love was would you show me?
If I had to hide the real me would you love the part I always hide?
If I didn't know what it was like to know what it's like to have someone that cares would you be the one to care for me?
If I was everything you ever wanted would you leave me?
If I loved you but didn't know how to show you would you step up and tell me you loved me first?
Would you mean it?
If I fucked up but knew what I did wrong and how to fix it would you leave me?
If knew you were all I ever wanted would I be the one you want inside?
Are you lying?
Promise?
Swear?

Home and the Heart

I've always heard that home is where your heart is.
What they failed to mention is that it's more than that.
Yes, home is where your heart is but it's also the one place you feel the most safe.
It is the place where you can be yourself.
The place where you get the acceptance you need.
Where you have loved ones that call you family,
The ones you call family in return.
The place you are so comfortable being that you don't ever want to leave.
Home is the one place you say "I love it here. I could stay here forever."
And mean it.
Home is your comfort zone,
Your safehaven.
Home is the one place that makes you feel complete.

Mask

I'm sick of lies,
I'm tired of hiding the pain,
Tired of being the one behind the mask.
I want to burn the mask and run,
Or hide and pretend the pain doesn't exist.
i just want it to go away.
When they ask if I'm okay,
I want to scream and evaporate.
They say it's okay.
They say they understand what I'm going through,
That I'm not the only one going through it all,
But do they?
Do they really understand?
No, I honestly dont think they do...

Vulnerability

What made you think I would show you vulnerability?
What made you think I'd crack?
I loved you and you broke my heart.
So why the hell would I trust you with it again?
Why Would I even dare to trust you with my secrets and my heart again?
You fucked up so here I go.
To hide behinde my invisible shield forever.
My heart and love never again accessible.

Get the Truth

Get the truth out of me

Before I die

Look me in the eye

And tell me not to lie.

You say I couldn't care less

But the opposite is true.

You've known me for years

Yet it's like you don't know me at all.

How?

How could you know me for so long

But never know the truth?

The truth is that I'm still in love with you

And that will never change.

Even though I know you will never feel the same for me again.

Forgiven

Who knew that forgiveness can be found anywhere?

Even when its nothing you deserve...

Guess that means the person you hurt cares for you too much to leave even when you don't deserve what they've done for you.

Or do they do it for themselves?

For you Both?

If you are forgiven but not left then well...

That's true love right there.

Balance

With life comes love

With love comes pain

With pain comes broken hearts

With broken hearts comes new love

Theres a balance to everything

Light and dark

Night and day

Life and death

With the good comes bad and it scares the hell out of us

It's change

No one likes it but we all face it

With life comes change and challenge

Otherwise life wouldn't be balanced

Nor would it be worth living.

Eyes

Eyes,

Said to be windows to the soul.

More like your soul's shield.

When wanted they can portray anything you seek.

That is if you can hide your emotions well enough...

If not,

you give people the amunition they need to bring you down.

They turn life to hell,

Read you like a book destroy you.

But no matter how bad the day you go to sleep and everything seems to be better...

That is until you wake up again.

Caged

Locked in boxed in screaming in the dark

walls closing in

scared and crying suffocating dying

save me

please hurry... before its too late

Think You Know Me?

I hate it when people automatically think that they know me.

You know my image.

The person walking through the halls isn't the real me.

You'd know that if you even tried to see me the way I see myself.

You know nothing but my style of clothing and the kind of person I seem to be.

Get to know me and you will see that I'm not the girl you think I am.

I'm nothing like the girl you claim you know.

Do I Really Regret It?

So many things i wish i could change.

I wish I could have a redo here and there.

They say to live without regret,

to never look back.

I've tried.

I still live by the moto but if you did have a chance to go back and change it would you?

If it meant a better future could you give into temptation?

Nice thought,

But no.

I hate some of the things I have done,

But without that horrible past I wouldn't be as strong as I am now.

I wouldn't be the person I am today.

As horrible as some of those things were they are nothing compared to what I feel and who I am.

At the end of the day all that matter is that you can forgive the past to face the future.

Views of Gay Marriage

so my friend was doing a research project for school and it was about prop 8 and this is exactly how I feel about prop 8: I think it is wrong for people to tell gays that they don't have the right to live their life and be just as happy or miserable as the rest of us especially when allowing gays the right to marriage doesn't even affect the rest of us because since I personally am attracted to people of the same sex i really dislike the fact that people are choosing whether or not I can marry a woman. when again it does NOT have any affect on any straight person what so ever.

I wrote this a while ago and I never added this little part. My own father was probably one of those people who voted yes on prop 8 and that hurts. He's also the kind of man who thinks that something is mentaly wrong or off with anyone who is gay, bi, or lezbian or transgender. He gets so mad at me for saying that I am a bisexual when that is what I truely am and if anyone who is gay or bi or lezbian reads this blog I hope you know that if you're parents do not understand then take it from someone who does. There are others out there just like you who know what you are going through and feel your pain.

Breaking Free

She used to live for the world trying to be what everyone wanted her to be.

The problem being that everyone wanted her to be something different. Then one day she realized that she wasn't happy.

Well she culdn't figure out why so she just stopped trying.

Stopped living her life the way everyone wanted her to.

She went numb.

Then something inside her awakened.

Her need to live her own life,

To be free.

She did.

She finally lived her life the way she wanted to,

And found that the people that truely love her love her just the way she is. And she was finally happy with her life.

I Change for No One

I'd love to say I'm sorry for being different but that would be like saying sorry for the rain pointless.

But I would never be sorry for the rain I love the rain just like I love being different.

Because it means I'm being a really person.

I'm being me.

So instead of sayin sorry for that because I'm not I'll tell you why I'm not sorry:

See you're mad at me because I won't follow all your screwed up rules that say everyone has to be just like you.

Because I'm not just like you.

I never have been never will be.

Never want to be.

So go try to turn some one else into a clone because sorry you failed I'm still here,

And I'm still me and you can't do anything to change that so no I didn't do what you wanted and no I'm not sorry for it,

And saying that I am well that would be a lie.

Because the truth is that I am extatic that you were not able to change me.

Who to Trust

How do you know who to trust when trust is one thing you've been stripped of over and over again?

Everyone says you can trust them, but which ones are really telling you the honest to God truth?

So many claim to be your best friend and to always have your back.

More often than not they stab you in the back.

How do you know when you really can trust someone?

Or if you can ever trust again?

Are You Okay?

People keep asking if you're okay,

But what they don't understand is that even though you smile and say nothing's wrong,

They really shouldn't have to ask.

Something is always wrong when they have to ask.

They will just keep bugging but never fully understand.

They don't really care, yet keep bugging to see what's wrong.

All they want is to pretend to be there.

When people ask what's wrong you just say you're fine and walk away even though you're bleeding inside.

Sick of Rules

I am so sick of all the rules.
It's always don't do this,
Don't do that,

Don't sing,

Don't dance,

Stop reading.

Well what is next?

Don't have fun,

Don't live,

Don't breathe?

I'd rather die!

If I can't be me then I'm not free, and that my friend is a curse you can keep.

Keep your conformity, your rules, and your prison.

I'll keep my personality.

Lies

Lies, lies, and more lies.
Seems like life is full of them.
Can no one go more than two seconds without lying to my face?
No, I guess not.
But what you need to understand is that, yeah you think you are getting away with you're dirty little secrets, but i know the truth, whether you tell it to me or not.
I've known you lie, I've just chosen to ignore it.
What you don't realize is that I can't stand you anymore.
Why would I even want to try?
You can't be honest and I don't want you around any longer.
I do not need your lies to make me feel better about myself.
So take your lies and keep them the hell away from me!
I hope they keep you warm at night because that isn't my job anymore.

What Makes it Okay?

What makes it alright to chose a woman you don't even know over your own kids?

What makes it okay to abandon your daughter when she needs you most?

What makes it okay to tell your woman she is right when she is dead wrong?

What makes a fucked up family okay?

That you are in love with her even if it's ruining your family?

Is that what makes ruining your children's lives forever worth while?

As long as you are "happy", what does it matter that your children are suffering right?

I have one thing to say to you.

You are wrong and nothing is okay.