Homesick

I've never been homesick before.

Never needed to go back.

Never wanted to go back.

I'd always been sick of home.

Now I have an amazing home.

I've only been there a short time,

And believe me it's surreal,

But I miss it.

I finally feel homesick,

Because I finally have a home to feel sick for.

The girl with a haunted past.

I finally can say I am going home,

And mean it.

I've never been homesick before today.

I can honestly say it's an amazing feeling.

Instead of being sick of the place I call "home",

I yurn for the place that now IS home.

Look Me in the Eye

Look me in the eye and tell me you don't care.

That you are done.

You give up.

You can't can you?

No, of course you can't.

You still love me.

Admit it.

You know you do.

No?

Well then I'll be the man.

I still love you.

I want to work this out.

Please just give it a chance.

You know you love me too.

That's why you know you can't say it.

Can't tell me.

So what?

What now?

Are you going to help me work this out?

Or shut me out?

I won't give up on you as long as I know...

You still love me.

I'll still be here.

Look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me.

Mean it and I will go away forever.

You can't do it can you?

Prove Your Love to Me

Prove to me,
That I'm your friend.
Prove to me,
That you like me.
Prove to me,
That you will stay.
Pove to me,
That I can trust you.
Prove to me,
That you want me.
Prove to me,
That you will be mine forever.
Prove to me,
That you love me.
Then we will see
If this proves whether or not
You are worthy of me.
Prove this to me.
Then,
Only then.
Not before.
We will talk.
And even then,
Maybe not.
Prove to me and see whether you are worthy of me.

Love Makes Us Crazy

Love

Makes

People

Crazy.

Craziness

Makes

People

Unstable.

Instibility

Makes

People

Look.

Looking

Makes

People

Find.

Finding

People

Makes

Us

Communicate.

Communication

Makes

Us

Love.

Love

Makes

People

Crazy.

The

Circle

Is

A

Never-
Ending

Cycle

Of

Life.

Thank You

It takes a big heart to take someone in.

It takes love to do something so huge for someone.

It takes courage to take in a teenager.

It takes compassion to stick with them for the remander of their childhood.

It takes a strong loving family to take in a child from a dysfunctional family.

I came from a dysfunctional family.

As in messed up to the extreme.

My brother did this for me.

I don't even know how to thank him or his wife for everything they have done for me.

All I can do is thank them.

Tell them I love them.

I am extremely grateful for them.

I am.

They have no idea how much I love and thank them for everything they have done for me.

Dysfunctional Family

How do you live in a house of crazy people?

How do you put up with a dysfunctional family?

How do you survive when everything is going wrong?

Even when you escape they are still family.

Even when you say you don't care you know you do.

They may not always be around you but they are your flesh and blood.

They say they care but do they?

You say you couldn't care less but is that true?

They are selfish.

And all you care about is taking care of them.

People make you crazy.

And life goes on.

Love Oath

I told you that I love you.

I meant it.

I told you that all I want is you.

It's as true today as it was when I said it.

I want to be yours and yours alone.

All I want in exchange is to know that I get to keep you.

Not for a day or a year but forever.

It's crazy I know.

But love is crazy.

People do crazy things anyway.

It just gets worse when we fall in love.

You mended a heart so broken it was a miracle it'd ever even be half.

You made it whole again.

You are everything I've ever wanted and that will never change.

I told you I love you and it's true.

I swear.

Act Your Age

Be the adult would you?

Act your age.

Stop making me feel like shit.

When you were wrong.

You were the selfish one.

Not me.

I tried to be civil.

Tried to have a real conversation with you.

You threw it back in my face.

You act like I hurt you.

Like i betrayed you.

But you need to see.

That the betrayer was never me.

You were he.

No,

I didn't hurt you.

I didn't do anything wrong wrong.

You did.

I just tried to save myself from you.

Secrets

Secrets.

You can't lie.

You have them.

Everyone does.

Everyone has at least one person they trust with theirs.

Who do you trust with yours?

How bad are they?

Life altering?

Dangerous?

Intense?

Are they true?

Or lies?

My secrets?

Life changing.

They are mine and mine alone.

No one basking in the glory of what terrors are locked away in my past.

All you know is what I choose to be known.

You know nothing of my...

Secrets.

Daddy Dearest

What makes a man worthy of the daddy title?

What makes a man think he gets the title by impregnating a girl?

What makes him think he has rights to the children he "fathers",

When he has never been there for them?

Yes your sperm helped create them.

No that doesn't mean you are entitled to anything.

To be a father you must be there for your childeren in every way.

Financially, emotionally, pysically all of it.

You don't get to just call a girl your daughter because you took part in her conception.

Any boy can have a child,

But it takes a man to be a father.

So man up and be there for your little girl,

Or get the hell out and stay there.

She's strong enough that she doesn't need you.

But she's volnerable enough that she craves a real father.

It's not too late to be there for her.

It will just take time to rebuild that relationship.

Hard it is,

Yes.

Impossible?

No.

Nothing is impossible.

It just takes time,

Love,

And care.

Epiphany

How can it take someone ages to realize the solution,

When it was there in front of their eyes all along?

Are humans really that oblivious?

Or do we just choose to take the easy way out and turn the other check?

Either way we choose the wrong way because it's what we think will be easiest,

But life's not meant to be easy.

If it were it would be meaningless.

The right thing to do isn't always the easiest,

Or the least crazy thing to do,

That's what usually makes it the right thing to do.

They never said life would be easy.

They did say it would be worth it.

Which it is.

Life's a journey,

A crazy ass adventure,

One that will eventually end.

So enjoy the ride.

New Beginings

New beginings come and go.

Times change for better

And for worse.

My new begining came a week ago.

The real change started today though.

I finally did what was right for me.

I finally moved out of my father's care.

I finally said i had enough.

I left.

It was the best decision I ever made.

I always said I would leave,

But I never did.

I said I wouldn't even be here for my sister,
But I was.

I only stayed for the little one.

She left.

And in turn so did I.

Best choice I ever made.

I'm finally free and happy.

Never again will I go back

And be in that situation again.

As Quothe the Raven "Nevermore".

Storm

Lost at sea.

In the middle of a storm.

Your life flashes before your eyes.

Take the road less traveled?

Or the safe way?

You only live once so what do you choose?

I'd choose the adventure.

Live for the day.
Lifes to short to always take the safe way.

Live for the moment.

Make life worth living.

Make some mistakes.

Laugh.

Have fun.

Learn to role with the punchs.

That way when it does end you can honestly say it was worth living the life you lead.

True Colors

What are your true colors?

Are they what you show to your classmates?

Your friends?

Your family?

Your boyfriend/girlfriend?

The one person you love most?

Are your true colors bright and vibrant?

Like a neon rainbow?

Or dark and dismal?

Like the sky caught in a rainstorm?

Or perhaps dark as the night sky?

Are you real?

Do your colors show that you feel real emotions?

Or are you as transparent as clear can be?

Whatever they be show them off.

Show off the color you truely are.

And you will see who really loves you.

Who is there for you do to those beautiful colors.

What are your true colors?

In a Matter of Seconds

In a matter of seconds everything can change.

Life takes a turn for better or worse,

Constantly keeping you on your toes.

Life sucked and you couldn't take the pain.

It was so bad you were ready to just end it all,

But as soon as you snap,

It's something completely different that takes place.

Instead of ending your life,

You end the situation.

You hate where you live,

So you pack your shit and leave.

You leave and they say that you will be back.

They say that you will see the grass is never greener on the other side.

What they don't realize is that if you leave for a good reason,

If you truely are miserable,

Then leaving was the best thing you could do.

You find a new place,

Settle in,

Get comfotable.

You've found a home.

What people don't understand,

Is that sometimes the grass was dead on the side you were on

And that it is green vibrant and thriving on the side you are on now.

Things always change.

That's an inevitable truth.

But sometimes that change is what you've waited for your whole life.

Sometimes things change for the better.

They change in the blink of an eye.

Everything can change in a matter of seconds.

Blame Yourself Not Me

You call me drama,

Say I'm causing you pain.

You act like your life is over.

When are you going to open your eyes,

And see that you were the one doing this?

Not me.

You're the one who made my life miserable.

You were the one who treated me like this.

Can you really blame me for leaving?

Of course you can.

Because as always it's somehow my fault.

Get rid of the tunnel-vision,

And get off your high horse.

You caused this.

Not me.

I'm done.

I'm gone.

Get pissed off all you want.

I've had enough.

You lost your chance.

I can't do this anymore.

I broke free

I'm done.

I'm gone.

Gone

You never know what you have until it's gone.

You hear that so many times in your life

And yet you never believe it until it's gone.

Once things are good it feels surreal.

Then it goes bad and you know that this is where you feel comfortable.

Welcoming pain as if it were an old friend.

In a way it is.

You've lived with it your whole life.

Loved ones seem to constantly come and go.

Nothing ever really concrete.

No one seems real anymore.

They come and go in the blink of an eye.

You never know it hurts as bad as it does until it happens.

Until they leave.

New Year

It's a new year.

Filled with new hope.

Out with the bad of the old,

In with the good of the new.

Your chance to start over.

Be a new person.

Wipe the slate clean.

Be free.

And live.

Hope the nightmares of the past don't follow.

The rough year over,

Will it start the beginning of a great year?

Or while the rough times continue?

Only time will tell.

Just hope for the best,

And pray someones looking out for you.

For now that's all you can do.