Fool

What is this strange feeling?

I've never felt it before.

Love?

Acceptance?

Both?

But how?

Why?

What makes me worthy of such a thing?

I've always thought I was destined for Hell.

Now I'm not so sure.

I'm starting to see that there is life beyond the window pane.

Break the glass to open your eyes to the truth.

The truth?

I thought I couldn't handle it.

I was scared to face it.

I was a fool.

I guess I live up to my tarot card.

A fool amoungst knights and kings.

Still learning what this truely is I am feeling.

Broken Heart

You really think it's okay,

To break my heart and walk away?

Then say you want me again.

You think you can leave for months on end.

Then waltz back in like you never left?

Well fuck no you got another thing coming,

If you think that is the case my friend.

You think you can ignore it and pretend?

If you pretend long enough,

things won't seem so rough?

That's not the way it works.

You need to realize,

that this will only traumatize,

me and anyone else,

you use in your little scheme.

Scheme to keep me,

Sure go ahead.

But you'll soon find .

You are no longer welcome in my bed.

You've fucked me over too many times,

Without reason or rhyme.

This is the last time my

Heart aches of goodbye.

Otherwise it breaks to end everything,

With a painful song the siren sings.

Life's a Song

Life's a song,

With a funky beat.

A rhythm of your choosing.

You alone decide.

Be it rock, Punk

Country or Hip-hop.

Let it play.

Feel it in your soul.

Be a rebel.

Let your hair hang down.

Dance around in your underwear.

Dance like no one is around,

Like you don't care what people think.

Be the you we are all afraid to show.

Let the music be your guide.

Life is a song.

Fairytale

Yesterday was the day the world would end.

Today is the day to prove them wrong.

Today is where the black whole ends.

She found the light at the end of the tunnel.

Hell's reign of terror is over.

Skipped the Earth plane.

Found a place that was only allowed in books.

Books and the imagination.

Summerland.

That special place between Heaven and Earth.

Only is it real?

Can there really be a place better than this?

One you don't have to die to get to?

That's what the fairytales tell us.

But are they true?

Can we really live happily ever after?

Or is that a myth?

Who knows?

Yesterday was Hell's turn to reign.

Today is mine.

I

Will

Always

Fight

For

My

Right

To

Live

A

Life

Better

Than

What
I

Had.

How Did I Never See?

How did I never see

The monster behind the mask?

You only pretended to be,

A man worth loving me.

The man that I fell for,

being nothing but lies.

That it, you, were all just a facade?

You lied,

Tricked me,

Abused my love for you.

Treated me like trash.

All for what?

What did you gain from all of this?

Absolutely nothing.

You've done nothing but hurt me.

And that made me stronger.

There are times that I wish I never met you.

But the one good thing that came from loving you was to learn just how strong I am.

I'm not weak.

And thanks to your selfish ass I never will be.

I'm stronger than I seem.

And no one can ever take my free will and strength away from me.

I'll forever stand a strong woman.

You never gave me a reason to hold on.

So now I'm letting go of the biggest mistake I ever made,

Being the hardest lesson I ever learned.

The one most worth living.

Carpe Deim

Live your life.

Have some fun.

Be a drunken fool minus the alcohol.

Dance in your underwear.

Sing in your hairbrush.

Just be YOU.

Don't let anyone tell you who to be.

Or how to live your life.

Do what you feel is right.

And don't ever let anyone control your life.

But you.

Love like you never loved before.

You know you only live once.

So Carpe Deim.

Seize the day.

Show it and everyone else who lives your life.

Remorse

How were you,

When you saw what you'd done to me?

Heart-broken?

Good.

Does your lying ass feel remorse?

No?

You should.

Why?

Because I moved on.

Yeah that's right.

The sad broken girl who loved you.

Loves you no more.

Never again.

Never again will I be foolish enough to fall for you.

Do you yearn for me now?

I knew you would.

The one heart you broke that meant something...

And you will never get her back.

You still love me.

But I hate you.

Why? When? What?

Why can't life be simple?

Why can't it be a fairytale with the happily ever after?

Why is it that the good dies young?

Why does the bad always seem to out weigh the good?

Why does living on the Earth plane feel like living in Hell?

When?

When does it get better?

When do things get easier?

Is death really the end?

The relief we seek to end the pain?

Or is it just the beginning?

What really waits for us out there?

Does it ever truely end?

One thing I know for sure is that we will never truely know until death claims us as his own.

Futile

It is useless.

Futile,

A waste of my time and energy.

That's it.

I can't take it anymore.

That's right I quit.

I'm done.

When you put forth enough effort to kill the human race,

And you still fail.

That's when you know you need to give in.

I'm not a quiter,

I just know when to give in.

Know when to say I've had enough.

Because continuing will end up being the death of me.

I'm a realist.

I know,

It's unfortunate.

But what else can I do?

Move on.

Or let this drive me mad...

Ignorance

Dear Ignorant Ass,

I love how you just assume things.

That you can't mind your own business.

You always have to get into other people's business.

WHY?
Do you get a thrill out of pissing people off?

Do you really have nothing better to do than bug me?

I'm 17 years old for crying out loud!
It's tragic that I can actually be an adult where as you have to be a 5 year old in all of this.

So, here is what I have to say to you.

Get the hell out of my face.

You don't know me.

You clearly don't know the situation.

And all you are doing is pissing me and everyone else off.

As well as proving just how much of an idiotic ass you are.

Again, back the fuck off.

You know NOTHING.

Don't let your voice be known again.

Thank you,

Don't come again.

Your worst night mare.

Reality-named: 17 Year Old Smart Ass

Fear

Feels like a million knives through your chest.

Smells like depths of hell.

Sounds like a demon's scream of agony.

Tastes like poison.

Looks like death.

Rain

See the dark dismal sky.

Smell the wet concrete.

Hear the water pitter-patter against the window pane.

Feel the rush of the rain against your skin.

Taste the water escape to your lips.

As you dance in the rain.

Growth and Change

It's strange to think how fast we change.

How long it takes to learn and grow.

Just a month ago one depressed little girl was ready.

Ready to end it all.

Just find a way to stop the pain.

She screamed to the Heavens that she was done.

She'd finally had all she could take.

And now?

What has become of that sad little girl?

She found a way to end it.

To end the suffering without ending her life.

She once was afriad of the very man she called Father.

She couldn't stand the thought to upset him.

He scared her that bad.

Now?

She couldn't care less.

She will do anything it takes to be happy.

Even if it pisses him off.

How did she learn to do so?

She figured out that the fear she had was due to empty threats.

Strength to Fight the Past

Life can be a bitch for a girl with scars.

Everyone has a past.

Has a history they aren't quite happy with.

Not everyone can face the past.

That is someone who is conquered by their past.

I hate my past but I embrace it.

Even the parts that no child should ever have to live through.

I admit I can't remember a lot of it.

But I deal with what I can remember.

That embrace,

Fighting.

That is what made me strong.

It made me who I am today.

It sucks but believe it or not...

It prepared me for a brighter future.

Because of all the shit my past hides I am finally free.

I can face anything that stands in my way.

So thank you everyone who ever screwed me over.

Because guess what?

In the end I'm the one who gets to be a good person.

The one who gets to live a better life.

All because you fucked with me and I learned how to fight back.

I know how horrible the real world can be.

You?

You get to be stuck in your messed up little fantasy world that you tried to break me to create.

But guess again.

You failed.

You didn't break me.

You couldn't crush me.

Just make me stronger.

So Take the life you lead and I'll stick to mine.

You're the one who will get a rude awakening when that wake up call comes knocking.

While I give my children and family a better life than you ever gave me.

Good bye forever.

You're once broken girl is now dead.

Transformed into a Phenomenal woman.

Dance in the Rain

Rain.
People find it so dismal and dark.
Almost depressing...
More like extremely depressing.
I can't see their reasoning for this.
Rain is mesmerizing, enchanting, magical.
Everything about it is amazing.

The way it sounds hitting everything with a light thud.
The way it tastes so pure.
The way it smells against the concrete after the storm.
The way it looks so mysterious dropping out of the sky as if by magic.
The way it feels against your skin cleansing it of all impurities.
Rain is the motive behind my smile.
The reason for my good mood.
So much more fun to go play in the rain,
Than it is to play in the hot sun.
More magical to kiss in the rain,
Than to kiss in the hot sun.
Rain just makes everything....
Better.
Rain is freedom.

Getting caught in the middle of a storm well that's just pure bliss.

The Truth About V-day

Valentine's Day.

Everyone whose in a relationship's favorite holiday.

Why?

What is so special about it?

I know what it is.

The truth about V-day.

Before I begin this sounds cynical.

Believe me,

I already considered this.

So let me begin with this.

V-day is great.

It's romantic and a good reason to show someone you love them.

It is fun and cute.

BUT...

It is also commercialised bullshit made up by Hallmark.

Why?

So they could sell more merchandise and make more money.

It's sad but true.

So next time time you feel like shit that you don't have a "special someone",

Just remember it is a bunch of bullshit for money making.

It's nothing to cry over,

Or more importantly,

It's nothing to kill yourself over.

If you are a V-day hater join the club.

I don't care much for it.

If you are offended by this...

You can suck it because I don't give a shit if you are offended.

That is the beauty of opinion and freedom of speech.

I'm not against love.

I am actually a hopeless romantic.

I just thing V-day isn't as amazingly important or special now...

I'm not even so sure it ever really was.

Hey Dad

What the hell happened to us?

How did things end so horribly?

I love you and I know I make you crazy.

You make me want to pull out my own hair sometimes too.

But how did things go so wrong so fast?

One minute we are laughing getting along,

The next you are yelling at me to get the fuck out and never return.

Why?

Why couldn't you just accept that I'm not you?

Why can't you except that I'm different?

That I have different views and oppinions.

That I can't be manipulated or brainwashed.

Daddy I love you but I can't take this anymore.

I can't take the hate,

The fighting,

Or the lies.

I was going crazy before this hell took over.

Not enough to leave,

I would have suck it up and kept taking it.

I would have stayed.

Would have bit my tongue and stayed for my sister.

But the truth is this.

I left because you broke your promise and that made us miserable.

I left because Carrie was the only reason I could even consider staying.

She left and I was depressed knowing she would be in a better place but I'd still be stuck.

Yes I left.

But did you have to make the move miserable?

Daddy can't you see that I am happy?

Healthy?

Everyone else can see that this was a good change for me.

So why can't you take off the blinders and see...

See that this was what is best for me.

I'm finally happy and in a place where everyone cares.

I know you are mad but you lied.

You took back your promise to Carrie.

For that I lost all respect for you.

I want to trust you.

But I can't.

I'm stronger now.

I won't let you walk all over me anymore.

I'm done.

I'm not sorry for what I've done,

Just that you can't grow a pair and do the right thing.

I know it hurts but so did everything you put me through.

That is why I left.

That is the reason that I'm not sorry.

By doing this,

By taking control of my own life.

I know I did the right thing.

So for that I will never be sorry.

Siren's Song or True Love Story?

Lips sweet as candy.

Face of angelic looks.

Voice of velvet.

Sounds too perfect to be true.

Are you?

Are you Prince Charming?

Or the evil king?

Here to sweep me off my feet?

Or break my heart?

Are your claims of love the real song to my heart?

Or are they the siren's song bent to leave me beat and broken?

Are you the dragon slaying wizard?

Or the blood sucking vampire?

Out to sea forever as an excuse to get away.

Will you take me with you?

Will you be true?
Will you be faithful?

Honest?

When you return,

(If you return),

Will you still love me?

Or was it all just a lie?

Are you My knight in shinning armor?

Or the villain in black?

Are you my love?

Or love turned to hate?

Is this a nightmare waiting to happen?

Or is this my one final dream come true?

Light and Dark. Night and Day.

Light.

Dark.

Day.

Night.

Life.

Death.

Cold.

Hot.

Summer.

Winter.

Fall.

Spring.

Solstice.

Equinox.

Sun.

Moon.

Love.

Hate.

Beginning.

End.

Shadow.

Shade.

everything.

Has.

An.

Opposite.

Life.

And.

Death.

Create.

A.

Balance.

That.

Will.

Never.

End.

As.

Life.

Ends.

Death.

Gives.

Rebirth.

And.

So.

We.

Live.

Again.

Life.

Never.

Truely.

Ends.

At.

The.

End.

Of.

One.

Chapter.

Is.

The.

Beginning.

Of.

The.

Next.

Thus.

The.

Cycle.

Continues.

Never.

Truly.

Ending.

Until.

The.

End.

Of.

Time.

Mr. Right

Broken girl,

Open wounds,

Ivisible scars.

You fixed me.

You put back the pieces of a shattered soul.

When no one else could find a way to save me,

There you were.

A vision of true perfection,

Perfection that's actually real.

Nothing is perfect,

I'd be insane to think that it is.

There is however such a thing as the perfect match.

It doesn't mean you are perfect,

You still make your mistakes,

As does everyone else.

Especially me.

I'm not perfect either.

In fact I am far from it.

But I am your perfect match.

As you are mine.

You put me back together,

To help me see that he wasn't right for me.

He broke me into a million tiny pieces.

Just when I thought I couldn't take it any longer.

I found a reason to live.

You.

I finally found my perfect man.

My Mr. Right.

Up for the challenge?

I know I am.

Another Year

Years go by and you get older.

Wiser even.

As the days go by,

You get another year older.

Life's a challenge worth living.

But only if you fight for it.

Tomorrow I'll be seventeen.

One year older,

Three hundred sixty-five days older.

Centuries wiser.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm only seventeen.

But I'm as wise,

No,

Wiser even than the Ogre that tried to raise me.

More like I raised him.

Then I broke free.

Now it's my turn to show you just how much I've learned,

How much I've grown.

I'm another year older.

Another year wiser.